This week marks two weeks since my exploratory laparoscopy where I had endometriosis removed. I’ve been in a POTS flare up because of all the time spent on bed rest and not being able to exercise. While I know what will really help my POTS symptoms is to start gradual exercise and conditioning again, I’m still recovering from surgery. My doctor told me I need at least one more week before gradually exercising again, so for this week, I’m still on light walking only. With that in mind, I’m focusing on rest this week.
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Which has me thinking about the concept of rest. It’s so important.
At the start of this year, I read the book Permission to Rest by Ashley Neese, recommended to me by my sister. Even just the title of the book brought me peace. Reading it taught me that not only it is OK to take moments of rest throughout your day but it’s also necessary.
Our bodies need rest. We can’t constantly be going going going. This is true for everyone, but it’s even more important for those of us with chronic illness and health struggles we are managing.
It seems like a pretty obvious concept, but when we’re so busy getting everything done that we need to in a day, it can be so easy to forget to make time for restful moments (or to just say, like I so often do, “I don’t have the time!”). We have to intentionally make the time to rest.
Also, we have to not feel guilty about taking time to rest. That’s where the “permission” part from the book comes in.
The book was a great read (I’d recommend it!). It’s full of ways to slow down, make time for restful moments, and benefit from rest’s restorative effects, which is something even more important to me as someone with POTS who feels like it’s so easy to get stuck in fight-or-flight mode.
Here’s what my week of prioritizing rest looked like despite working a full-time job and keeping up with everyday tasks:
- Took short breaks to get up and walk around during the day. Since I work a full-time desk job, I tried to go for a short walk on my lunch break and after work when the weather allowed it. For me, being outside is the best medicine. As long as it’s not too hot or humid!
- Started my days with quiet time. I like to use this time to read, journal, and/or practice deep breathing. Some mornings this is only fifteen minutes, but sometimes I get up early enough to have a full hour.
- Slowed down! I tend to move through my day quickly to get as much done as fast as possible, but this can be very tiring for the body.
- Avoided overdoing it. To allow my body to continue healing from surgery, I limited my physical activity this week to avoid overdoing it and causing myself more soreness.
- Got acupuncture. This is primarily to help with my fertility, but I feel very calm and rested after my sessions. Nothing like being stuck with tiny needles and needing to lie still for thirty minutes to “force” me to rest!
- Paused and breathed. In moments when I began to feel overwhelmed, I paused and took several deep breaths. In for 4 seconds, out for 6 seconds. I closed my eyes and thought of something that makes me happy. Being in the middle of a forest somewhere is a favorite go-to of mine.
- Repeated comforting affirmations. I also like to place a hand over my chest, almost like a self-hug, and repeat a comforting affirmation five times to myself. “I am safe,” “I accept and love myself as I am right now,” and “I am healing from the inside out,” are some of my favorites right now.
Overall, this was not a great week for me. It’s crazy to me how different I can feel now from one week to the next because last week I was feeling pretty good, despite being less further into my recovery from surgery.
But this week, my POTS symptoms were bad, I felt exhausted and had headaches at times, my mystery pain got worse a few nights, and I had some doctor’s appointments that really upset me. (The suggested next steps are really scary for me and unfortunately means this hellish ride I’ve been on is not yet over.)
I guess this week has challenged me to keep up with my positive mindset of healing. Because even though my mystery pain is still not resolved and is still affecting my quality of life, (which is delaying our fertility journey and causing me anguish) I can still work on nurturing my mental and emotional health and taking care of my body as best as I can, despite some things being out of my control.
But it’s been really hard to stay positive and be brave and not let negative emotions and thoughts take over. To be honest, some days this week I failed at this. On Wednesday, I felt so sad and defeated after a doctor’s appointment that didn’t go the way I’d hoped that I cried on the way home. After an appointment on Thursday, I cried even more.
And you know what? That’s OK. It’s OK to cry, to acknowledge your emotions and let yourself feel them. It’s OK to not know what to do or to be scared. For me, it’s appropriate for what I’ve been going through, and not having this kind of emotional response would be more strange, I’d think. In times like these, it’s important to have things to do that give you a chance to reset and feel better.
Besides the list of things above, there was one other thing I did to make myself feel better after my doctor’s appointments. I put on my new headphones (they’re pink!) and cleaned.
You might not believe me, but yes, when something is really bothering me, I clean. Maybe there’s a part of me that thinks if I clean up my surroundings it’ll magically clean up my life, too? I don’t know. But whatever magic it is, cleaning for almost an hour brought me out of my emotional funk. Reset. Just like that.
Now, does that align with my weekly goal of prioritizing rest? Maybe not in a literal, physical sense. But it did make me feel a little lighter, so at the end of the day, I’ll take that as a small win.
These days, small wins are celebrated around here. What small wins do you celebrate in your life with chronic illness? Let me know below!
XO,
Laurie
